| Capitalism | He who dies with the most toys, wins. |
| Hari Krishna | He who plays with the most toys, wins. |
| Judaism | He who buys toys at the lowest price, wins. |
| Catholicism | He who denies himself the most toys, wins. |
| Anglican | They were our toys first. |
| Greek Orthodox | No, they were OURS first. |
| Branch Davidians | He who dies playing with the biggest toys, wins. |
| Atheism | There is no toy maker. |
| Polytheism | There are many toy makers. |
| Evolutionism | The toys made themselves. |
| Church of Christ Scientist | We are the toys. |
| Communism | Everyone gets the same number of toys, and you go straight to the opposite of heaven if we catch you selling yours. |
| Baha'i | All toys are just fine with us. |
| Amish | Toys with batteries are surely a sin. |
| Taoism | The doll is as important as the dumptruck. |
| Mormonism | Every boy may have as many toys as he wants. |
| Voodoo | Let me borrow that doll for a second... |
| Hedonsim | Hang the rule book! Let's play! |
| 7th Day Adventist | He who plays with his toys on Saturday, loses. |
| Church of Christ | He whose toys make music, loses. |
| Baptist | Once played always played. |
| Jehovah's Witnesses | He who "places" the most toys door-to-door, wins. |
| Pentecostalism | He whose toys can talk, wins. |
| Existentialism | Toys are a figment of your imagination. |
| Confucianism | Once a toy is dipped in water, it is no longer dry. |
| Non-denominationalism | We don't care where the toys came from, let's just play. |