Q: What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of elephants in the distance?
A: "Look, a herd of elephants in the distance."

Q: What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of elephants with sunglasses?
A: Nothing. He doesn't recognize them.

Q: What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of giraffes in the distance?
A: "Haha! You fooled me once with those disguises, but not this time!"


Q: What is the difference between en elephant and a plum?
A: An elephant is grey.

Q: What does Jane say when she sees a herd of elephants in the distance?
A: "Look! A herd of plums in the distance" (Jane is colour blind)

Q: How do you get four elephants into a Mini?
A: Two in the front, two in the back.

Q: What game do four elephants in a mini play?
A: Squash.

Q: How do you get an elephant into the fridge?
1. Open door.
2. Insert elephant.
3. Close door.

Q: How do you get a giraffe into the fridge?
1. Open door.
2. Remove elephant.
3. Insert giraffe.
4. Close door.

Q. The lion, the king of the jungle, decided to have a party. 
   He invited all the animals in the jungle, and they all came except one. Which one?
A. The giraffe, because he was still in the fridge.

Q: How do you know there are two elephants in your fridge?
A: The door won't close.

Q: How do you know there are three elephants in your fridge?
A: There'll be one waiting outside in the Mini.

Q: How can you tell that an elephant has been in your fridge?
A: By the footprints in the butter.

Q: How do you get an elephant out of the water?
A: Wet.

Q: How do you get two elephants out of the water?
A: One by one.

Q: Why do elephants wear shoes with yellow soles?
A: So you don't see them when they float upside down in a bowl of custard.

Q: Have you ever seen an elephant floating upside down in a bowl of custard?
A: No, of course not.

Q: Why do elephants live in herds?
A: To get a wholesale reduction on the shoes with yellow soles.

Q: How do you smuggle an elephant across the border?
A: Put a slice of bread on each side, and call him "lunch".

Q: How do you shoot a blue elephant?
A: With a blue elephant gun, of course.

Q: How do you shoot a pink elephant?
A: You hold their nose till they turn blue, then you shoot them with a blue elephant gun.

Q: How do you shoot a yellow elephant?
A: Ever seen a yellow elephant?!!!

Q: Why are elephants wrinkled?
A: Have you ever tried to iron one?

Q: Why did the elephant fall out of the tree?
A: Because it was dead.

Q: Why did the second elephant fall out of the tree?
A: It was glued to the first one.

Q: Why did the third elephant fall out of the tree?
A: It thought it was a game.

Q: And why did the tree fall down?
A: It thought it was an elephant.

Q: Why did the elephant cross the road?
A: It was the chicken's day off.

Q: What was the elephant doing on the motorway?
A: About 5 mph (8 KPH in the rest of the world)

Q: How do you get an elephant into a VW?
A: Open the car door, put the elephant inside, close the door.

Q: How do you put an elephant into a fridge?
A: Open the VW door, take the elephant out, close the VW door, open the fridge, put the elephant inside, close the fridge.

Q: How do you get 4 elephants into a Volkswagen?
A: 2 in the front and 2 in the back.

Q: How do you know if there are 3 elephants in your fridge?
A: Can't get the fridge door closed.

Q: How do you know if there are 4 elephants in your fridge?
A: There's a VW parked outside it.

Q: How do you get 8 elephants in a fridge?
A: Put four in a VW, four in another VW, put the two VW's in the fridge. 
   A fridge large enough to hold two elephants can surely hold two VW's!

Q: How do you get Tarzan in the fridge?
A: Open door, get two VW's out, put Tarzan in, close door.

Q: How do you know Tarzan is in the fridge?
A: You can hear Tarzan scream OYOYOYOIYOIYOOOOOO

Q: How do you get two Tarzans in the fridge?
A: You can't, silly. There is only one Tarzan!

Q: Why are there so many elephants running around free in the jungle?
A: The fridge isn't large enough to hold them all.

Q: How many elephants can you actually put in a fridge?
A: Depends on the number of elephants.

Q: What did the fifth elephant in the VW discover?
A: The sun roof.

Q: The Lion (king of the animals) gathered all the animals for a meeting, all of them showed up except the elephants. Why?
A: They were stuck in the VW.

Q: How many giraffes can you fit in a VW?
A: None, the elephants are in there!

Q: What do you call two elephants on a bicycle?
A: Optimistic!

Q: What do you get if you take an elephant into the city?
A: Free Parking.

Q: What do you get if you take an elephant into work?
A: Sole use of the elevator.

Q: How do you know if there is an elephant in the pub?
A: It's bike is outside.

Q: How do you know if there are two elephants in the pub?
A: There is a dent in the cross-bar.

Q: How do you know if there are three elephants in the pub?
A: Stand on the bike and have a look in the window.

Q: Why do elephants wear tiny green hats?
A: To sneak across a pool table without being seen.

Q: How many elephants does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Don't be stupid, elephants can't change light bulbs.

Q: What do you get if you cross an elephant with a whale?
A: A submarine with a built-in snorkel.

Q: How do you know if there is an elephant under the bed?
A: Your nose is touching the ceiling.

Q: Why do elephants wear sandals?
A: So that they don't sink in the sand.

Q: Why do ostriches stick their head in the ground?
A: To look for the elephants who forgot to wear their sandals.

Q: How do you make a dead elephant float?
A: Well, you take 10 dead elephants, 10 tons of chocolate ice-cream, 5 tons of bananas,.....

Q: How do you get an elephant on top of an oak tree?
A: Stand him on an acorn and wait fifty years.

Q: What if you don't want to wait fifty years?
A: Parachute him from an airplane.

Q: Why isn't it safe to climb oak trees between 2 and 4 in the afternoon?
A: Because that is when the elephants practice their parachute jumping.

Q: What is a furry alligator?
A: A bear that went into the woods at 3 o'clock.

Q: Why do ducks have flat feet?
A: From stamping out forest fires.

Q: Why do elephants have flat feet?
A: From stamping out flaming ducks.

Q; What's the black between an elephant's toes.
A: Slow natives.

Q: Why are elephants feet shaped that way?
A: To fit on lily pads.

Q: Why isn't it safe to go onto the lily pads between 4 and 6 in the afternoon?
A: That's when the elephants are walking on the lily pads.

Q: Why are frogs so short?
A: They go onto the lily pads between 4 and 6 in the afternoon.

Q: What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence?
A: Time to get a new fence.

Q: What do you know when you see three elephants walking down the street wearing pink sweatshirts?
A: They're all on the same team.

Q: How do you stop an elephant from charging?
A: Take away his credit card.

Q: Why do elephants have trunks?
A: Because they would look silly with glove compartments.

Q: What do you give a seasick elephant?
A: Lots of room.

Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with an ant?
A: A dead ant.

Q: How many elephants does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two, but you need a real big bulb.

Q: What has two tails, two trunks and five feet?
A: An elephant with spare parts

Q: What is more difficult than getting an elephant into the back seat of your car?
A: Getting TWO elephants into the back seat of your car!

Q: What's grey and puts out forest fires?
A: Smokey the Elephant.

Q: What happens when an elephant sits in front of you at the movies?
A: You miss most of the picture!

Q: What is beautiful, gray and wears glass slippers?
A: Cinderelephant.


Q: Why do elephants wear blue tennis shoes?
A: Because the white ones always get dirty. 

Q: Why do elephants float in the river upside-down?
A: To keep their blue tennis shoes from getting wet. 

Q: How do you get an elephant up an oak tree? 
A: Sit it down on an acorn and wait 50 years. 

Q: How do you get an elephant out of an oak tree?
A: Just wait till the leaves start to drop. 

Q: Why do ducks have flat feet?
A: For stamping out forest fires. 

Q: Why do elephants have flat feet?
A: For stamping out flaming ducks. 

Q: Why do giraffes have long necks?
A: For spitting on burning elephants. 

Q: How are an elephant and a banana just alike?
A: They are both yellow . . . . uh . . . . Except for the elephant, of course. 

Q: What did Tarzan say when he saw a herd of elephants coming over the hill?
A: Look! A herd of elephants coming over the hill! 

Q: What did Tarzan say when he saw a herd of elephants wearing sunglasses coming over the hill?
A: Nothing. He didn't recognize them. 

Q: What did Jane say when she saw a herd of elephants coming over the hill?
A: Look! A bunch of bananas coming over the hill! (Jane was color-blind.) 

Q: Why do elephants travel in herds?
A: Because if they traveled in flocks, it would confuse the sheepdogs. 

Q: Why do elephants walk on four feet?
A: Because if they flew, you could never keep your car clean. 

Q: Why did the elephant paint the bottom of his feet yellow?
A: So he could hide upsidedown in a bowl of custard.
   (Have you ever seen an elepahnt in your bowl of custard?) 

Q: How do you stop an elephant from passing through the eye of a needle?
A: Tie a knot in its tail. 

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To get to the other side.
 
Q: Why did the elephant cross the road?
A: He was riding the chicken. 

Q: The chicken and the elephant went to church. Why did the elephant cross himself?
A: To get to the Other Side. 

Q: What's grey, has four legs, and a trunk? 
A: A mouse, going on holiday. 

Q: What's brown, has four legs, and a trunk? 
A: The same mouse, coming back from holiday. 

Q: How do elephants get up trees?
A: They sit on an acorn and fall asleep. 

Q: How do elephants get down from trees? (2/3) 
A: They sit on a leaf and wait for Autumn. 

Q: Why are crocodiles long, thin and flat? (3/3) 
A: They walk under trees in Autumn. 

Q: How do you get an elephant into a matchbox? 
A: Take out all the matches first. 

Q: Have you ever seen an elephant swimming in the custard? 
A: No, but that just proves the efficiency of the camouflage.

Q: By the way, what is the black triangle sticking out of the custard? 
A: It's a shark. That's why the elephants hide...

Q: What did Julius Caesar say, when he saw the elephants coming down the hill? 
A: "Look, the plum's are coming down the hill." - he was colour-blind.

Q: How do you catch an elephant? 
A: You will need a jam-jar with a firm lid, a telescope, a black-board and a piece of chalk. And a jungle with elephants, of course.
   Go to the jungle. Write 2+2=5 on the blackboard. All the elephants will come running 
   and be paralyzed with laughter.  While they are busy laughing, turn the telescope the wrong way around and use it to 
   look at the elephants. As they are now very small, you can easily pick them up and put them in the glass and close the lid.

(Please note: NO ELEPHANTS WERE HARMED IN ANY WAY AT ALL IN MAKING THIS JOKE PAGE!)