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| 1. | Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inchpaper, 99 copies. |
| 2. | In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors." |
| 3. | Specify that your drive-through order is "TO GO." |
| 4. | If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others. |
| 5. | Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets. |
| 6. | Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep 'em tuned up." |
| 7. | Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think." |
| 8. | Practice making fax and modem noises. |
| 9. | Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc" them to your boss. |
| 10. | Make beeping noises when a large person backs up. |
| 11. | Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophecy." |
| 12. | Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing. |
| 13. | Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room. |
| 14. | Holler random numbers while someone is counting. |
| 15. | Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way." |
| 16. | Staple papers in the middle of the page. |
| 17. | Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise. |
| 18. | Honk and wave to strangers. |
| 19. | Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register. |
| 20. | TYPE ONLY IN UPPERCASE. |
| 21. | type only in lowercase. |
| 22. | dont use any punctuation either |
| 23. | Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets. |
| 24. | Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now." |
| 25. | As much as possible, skip rather than walk. |
| 26. | Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat. |
| 27. | Ask people what gender they are. |
| 28. | While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet. |
| 29. | Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down. |
| 30. | Sing along at the opera. |
| 31. | Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme. |
| 32. | Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter some-thing about "psychological profiles" |
| 33. | Don't answer e-mail. |